Frustration Plantation

Doomsday Averted
Secret Message
Possum of the Grotto
If Your Kisses Can't Hold the Man You Love
The Mayor
When I Count...
High On Life
Wicked Dickie
My Captivity By Savages
Saline the Salt Lake Queen
Oh, Injury
When I Was A Young Girl
Momma Was an Opium-Smoker
Nov. 17dee
Girls' School



 Doomsday Averted

Doomsday averted, oh
If doomsday averted, oh oh oh
Doomsday averted, oh
Doomsday averted, oh

Doomsday averted, oh
If doomsday averted, oh oh oh
Doomsday averted, oh
Doomsday averted, oh

Doomsday averted, oh
If doomsday averted, oh oh oh
Doomsday averted, oh
Doomsday averted, oh

Doomsday averted
Doomsday



 Secret Message

I carry a secret message that I must give to you
It concerns suspicious blessings now, I am sure you'll know what to do
But if it should be some bad news, you know you can lean on me
It might explain Nostradamus or my addiction to prophecy
I'm not at liberty to say how a secret message came for you today

I'm like a mirror, baby
I refract light back at you
So silent, so thin, so tricky now
We do the things that lovers do
I'm not at liberty to say how a secret message came for you today

It holds the secrets of my heart and my mind
It tells of vast expanses stretching backwards over time

Two objects at equal distance, acting as if they cared
Does weight follow mass in this instance?
Oh, E equals MC squared
I'm not at liberty to say how a secret message came for you today

It holds the secrets of my heart and my mind
It tells of vast expanses stretching backwards over time.



 Possum of the Grotto

He lives under the banyon tree
When I'm in trouble, he helps me
I hear him creep through the leaves at night
His flesh is pink, but his fur is bright snow white!
No meat! No bread!
Get inside his little head
'Cause he's the possum of the grotto
Possum of the grotto
Alkilize or die

Don't complain about humidity
'Cause if the yard is damp, that is where he'll be
Don't be racist against this albino, I have kissed his lips and seen his red eyes shine, oh!
Get inside his little head
'Cause he's the possum of the grotto
Prophet of vibrato
Alkilize or die

Cheek to cheek, don't be shy
Alkilize or die
Beast to beast, eye to eye
Alkilize or die

No meat! No bread!

Possum of the grotto
Possum of the grotto
Alkilize or die
'Cause he's the possum of the grotto
Prophet of vibrato
Alkilize or die!



 If Your Kisses Can't Hold the Man You Love

Every time that I hear a woman cry 'cause her man has left her flat
I just feel like saying, "Don't be such a fool, you fool!"
Better dry your eyes
Can't you realize you gain nothing by that
But that's no way to keep his heart warm baby, when his love grows cool

What's the use in sighing
What's the use in crying
If he's wandered off the track
'Cause if your kisses won't hold the man you love, then your tears won't bring him back, no
You might as well be cheerful
There's no use being tearful if he's given you the sack
'Cause if your kisses won't hold the man you love, then your tears won't bring him back

Now listen,
If sweet sugar kissin' isn't gonna make him come home
Tell me how do you hope to keep him to you with tears instead of song?

Just be a normal fella
Come on, say what the hell-a
Get his clothes and help him to pack
'Cause if your kisses won't hold the man you love, then your tears won't bring him back

Love is like home cooking: Good, and wholesome
But all men need some mutton on the outside now and then
If you find your boys is cheating, do the same, old dear
He's only giving you the chance that you've been waiting for for years
My goodness!
Tears won't get you anything
Just a shiny red nose
Go on, paint that powder on, put on your swellest clothes
Then, go get 'em by the score
Neglected girls shouldn't worry - that's what God made sailors for!

Don't cry for him and chase him
Just screw it and replace him with some good-looking Tom, Dick or Jack
'Cause if your kisses won't hold the man you love, then your tears won't bring him back
If your kisses won't hold the man you love, then your tears won't bring him back!



 The Mayor

Oh, it's scrambled eggs what he says
He accuses me of treachery
Got the nine lies, got the wide eyes, got a failing grade in chemistry
If you count back to the balcony when all we saw was the mystery
Of a blonde haired boy brought his mother joy with his pedigree and family tree

Oh, lay it all out on a wicker couch that you wove in a looney bin
Cut it out, it's a second round bout
Not the way of a gentleman
Oh, give it up, get a job
Take a pill and leave me be
He's got a synapse lapse he don't think he has, but it's been proven empirically

"If they take something precious from me, I'm gonna take something precious from them"
Oh now he's losing his constituency
We thought "Oh, this could never happen again."
If I take something precious from him, he try to take something precious from me
There's a battle in his head that he cannot win
There's a man he could never be

Oh no, way to go
He's the mayor

Oh, I'm quite tired of this lunatic
Why must we suffer 'cause the mayor's sick
He say: "All abandon this sinking ship"
Then he's off on another trip
No, he don't care about environment
He has made this a shitty place
My interest rate shrinks at a rapid pace
Compounded daily by my worried face

"If they take something precious from me, I'm gonna take something precious from them"
Oh now he's losing his constituency
We thought "Oh, this could never happen again."
If I take something precious from him, he try to take something precious from me
There's a battle in his head that he cannot win
There's a man he could never be

Oh no, way to go
He's the mayor
Oh no, way to go
He's the mayor

"If they take something precious from me, I try to take something precious from them

Oh now he's losing his constituency
We thought "Oh, this could never happen again."
If I take something precious from him, he try to take something precious from me
There's a battle in his head that he cannot win
There's a man he could never be

You're gonna hang your head and cry
You're gonna hang your head and cry
You're gonna cry
You're gonna hang your head and cry
You're gonna hang your head and cry
You're gonna cry
You're gonna hang your head and cry
You're gonna hang your head and cry
You're gonna cry (He's the mayor)
You're gonna hang your head and cry (Oh no)
You're gonna hang your head and cry (Way to go)
You're gonna cry (He's the mayor).



 When I Count

When I count, y'all walk 'round the house and down the hill and hide

Yes ma'am
Yes ma'am

Remember (jumbled singing, laughter)

Yes ma'am
Yes ma'am

Remember (jumbled singing, laughter)



 High On Life

I never want to be seen as cheap, but I saw the tears in his eyes and I thought, "That's sweet."
I tried on all of my little jokes
I muscle in, throw it in, just to see if it floats
Not many people have the balls of I
To take the bull by the horns and make him mine all mine
He was it, he was really hot shit
He was tripping, he was ripped and he was high on life
He was it, he was really hot
He was tripping, he was drifting, he was high
He was really nice, woah oh

He smelled like propane and butterscotch
He kept his eyes on me 'cause he liked to watch me
Tear up bedsheets to bandage him
He had been in a fight but he did not win
I don't think we brought the money up
It was a gas, oh we just laughed, this boy could not shut up
He was it, he was really hot shit
He was tripping, he was ripped and he was high on life

He was it, he was really hot shit
He was tripping, he was ripped and he was high on life
He was it, he was really hot shit
He was tripping, he was drifting, he was high on life

He was it, he was really hot shit
He was tripping, he was ripped and he was high on life
He was it, he was really hot shit
He was tripping, he was drifting, he was high on life
He was it, he was really hot shit
He was tripping, he was ripped and he was high on life
He was it, he was really hot shit
He was tripping, he was drifting, he was high on life
He was it, he was really hot
He was tripping, he was drifting
He was high
He was really nice, woah oh

He was it, he was really hot shit
He was tripping, he was ripped and he was high on life
He was it, he was really hot shit
He was tripping, he was drifting, he was high on life.



 Wicked Dickie

If you mourn for Dickie I'll tell you right now
He was an old man and he had but one cow
Over hedges and ditches and fields he had plowed
He ran for his life just to get to his cow

Oh, oh wicked
Wicked Dickie done died
Oh, oh
Wicked Dickie done died

If you mourn for Dickie I'll tell you right now
He was an old man and he had but one cow
Over hedges and ditches and fields he had plowed
He ran for his life just to get to his cow

Oh, oh
Wicked Dickie done died
Oh, oh
Wicked Dickie done died

When the old man heard that his cow she was dead
Over hedges and ditches you see he had fled
Over hedges and ditches and fields that were mown
He ran for his life just to get to his own

Oh, oh
Wicked Dickie done died
Oh, oh
Wicked Dickie done died

Now I sit down and eat my dried meal
But I have no milk what to put in my pail
I have no butter to sop with my bread
Now old Wicked Dickie is dead

Oh, oh
Wicked Dickie done died
Oh, oh
Wicked Dickie done died

If you mourn for Dickie I'll tell you right now
He was an old man and he had but one cow
Over hedges and ditches and fields he had plowed
He ran for his life just to get to his cow.



 My Captivity By Savages

This is "The Story of My Captivity by Savages," or "How I Learned to Fight"
By Eliza Elizabeth Cook, age 13
Writ in my own hand on this, the 23rd day of August, 1829.

Chapter one: "Fine Day for a Flaying," or "The Brutal Massacre of All I Held Dear."

The valley that runs down the trail over the west bank of the glorious state of Natchez-Pierce
Was the site of my own hideous undoing.
My entire family was lain waste,
No care being taken by the natives that even baby Coolidge was to be spared an ounce of pain.
How I came to be spared, by the grace of God, I shall never know.

I had been smashed in the head with a boulder over fourteen times by a young Indian brave.
When I awoke, through eyes still stinging from the smouldering decimation,
My large blue eyes looked up into the burning sun of the late summer sky.
No sooner had I stirred when four horsemen approached my wilted carcass.
In their stilted English, they told me in great detail how they had massacred mine own Ma and Pa,
How my elder brother Ham had given no resistance to his own flogging,
And how easy it had been to make my sickly sister, Sarah Susanna, wail and sob like a sea creature.

I clenched my long, graceful fingers into tight fists at my sides, and turning my head away, laughed quietly to myself.
If these human animals believed that they had captured a nubile and willing young white slave girl,
They were sorely mistaken.

I felt about my waist for a weapon.
Oftentimes, I kept sewing tools hanging from ribbons pinned to my dress.
"Looking for this?" the handsomest warrior asked,
Holding my sterling pinking shears up between two red fingers as he looked down from his steed at my writhing confusion.
Brushing a stray strand of pale yellow hair from my brow,
I pretended to reach for a stray silken slipper that I had spied nearby, but swiftly
Darted up and dove between the flanks of the wild mustangs that stood majestically before me!

The silent commander had only to reach down to capture me by the hair.
Yanking hard, he pulled me upright, and twisted my fair face up to meet his cold, cold gaze.
I shall never forget my realization upon that moment that my freedom had thus been robbed.
And that, although my pleasing mortal shell was intact,
I, Eliza Elizabeth Jane Cook, was to become a handmaiden to a number of verile, half-naked nomads,
And that this ordeal would continue fourteen years.



 Saline the Salt Lake Queen

In a prehistoric dried-up lake
A million years after the last earthquake
There lived a little girl who loved to bake
The only thing she made was cake and all she used was salt
That's all she had, It's not her fault
Saline, the salt lake queen

She used a rudimental substance for an ingredient that she could pour into a chalice she carved out of stone
Her only friend, it was a big black crow that flew with love
He would fly high above, then look back at her below

Oh Saline
Only seventeen
Swollen up with pride
Oh Saline
Under desert skies
She's a bromide
She makes green fire in a tunnel of thorns and she's got yellow eyes

She cook alone amid a brutal ruin
It's hard to tell exactly what she's doin'
An incantation, then the crow flew in
Oooh, oooh
And then she took a taste
The black crow looked into her face
Saline the salt lake queen

Oooh, Oooh
Oh Saline
The desert queen

Oh Saline
Only seventeen
Swollen up with pride
Oh Saline
Under desert skies
She's a bromide
She makes green fire in a tunnel of thorns and she's got yellow eyes.



 Oh, Injury

Oh my sweet love
He built a rotary cuff
His shoulder got smashed
He's gotta mend and repair a device to work where he got hit by the blast
Oh woe is he, unable to see in front of his face
A mistreated machine can start acting mean
It can crack up all over the place

Oh, injury
What a nasty wound, here, let me see
If you put metal inside of a man he can work much faster than you can
With a toothpick, a pen knife, a can-opener
Oh, injury, oh

One kind of folk, they don't know it's broke
The others don't care
They just sit and complain about some imagined pain
About some uncle who fell down the stairs
Since he got hurt, he don't go to work
We try to get by
He just sits in his chair with a glazed-over stare
We can't help but ask ourselves why

Oh, injury
Oh, injury, oh

Oh, injury
What a nasty wound, here, let me see
If you put metal inside of a man he can work much faster than you can
With a toothpick, a pen knife, a can-opener
Oh, injury.



 When I Was A Young Girl

When I was a young girl, a young girl, a young girl
When I was a young girl, then, oh then
When I was a young girl, a young girl, a young girl
When I was a young girl, then, oh then

It was a ha-ha this-a-way
Ha-ha that-a-way
Ha-ha this-a-way
Then, oh then

The boys came a-courtin', courtin', courtin'
The boys came a-courtin'
Then, oh then
The boys came a-courtin', courtin', courtin'
The boys came a-courtin'
Then, oh then

It was a primp, primp this-a-way
Primp, primp that-a-way
Primp, primp this-a-way
Then, oh then
Ha-ha this-a-way
Ha-ha that-a-way
Primp, primp this-a-way
Then, oh then

Then we married, married, married
Then we married
Then, oh then
Then he died, died, died
Then he died
Then, oh then

It was a boo-hoo this-a-way
Boo-hoo that-a-way
Boo-hoo this-a-way
Then, oh then
Ha-ha this-a-away
Ha-ha that-a-way
Ha-ha this-a-way
Then, oh then

When I was a young girl, a young girl, a young girl
When I was a young girl, then, oh then
When I was a young girl, a young girl, a young girl
When I was a young girl, then, oh then
When I was a young girl, a young girl, a young girl
When I was a young girl, then, oh then!



 Momma Was An Opium-Smoker

Momma was an opium-smoker
She light it with a red-hot poker
She would never take a bath
We would ask her - she'd just laugh
Because our momma was an opium-smoker

She made it with this gentleman Lincoln
They met on a boat, it was sinkin'
When she shoulda gone overboard,
Momma say "No way, Oh my Lord,
Only of opium smoke am I thinkin'"

Oh help us Lord
We can't afford her destructive ways
You oughtta hear what she says!

She would just sit on her fat ass
Yell at us, "Fill up my wine glass!"
She would tell us "How sad, you won't never know your dad."
Oh yeah, my momma was an opium-smoker

She hide the money and the drugs in the mattress
I wonder how long has she been at this
And I say, "Mom, bang the gong. Can't you see it's gone all wrong?"
Oh yeah, my momma was an opium-smoker.



 November 17dee

I am the mother
Don't ever say that
You don't ever want to say what you said again
November 17dee
Never, ever take my ingredients
From all of you
From all the city
Say November
November is an avolian
All aboard, but it's so gralians
November is all that stuff from a million aliens.



 Girls'School

A happy start, a sad, sad ending for every minute of the story
See as their wills are broke and bending
See the good girls in their glory

A primary academy
We're a secondary seminary
Teaching finishing rinse and dancing tips and scorn
Always concerned with plummeting virginity rates
We lecture young girls on how babies are born

Children, make a chain
Oh, children, make a chain

The staff here is severe, yet so altruistic
It hurts us more than it hurts them
The new girls are tender, the old ones sadistic
The late janitress was a gem

Don't believe what the boys from next door heard
Requirements do include math
We draw straws and put our best foot forward
Down the straight and narrow path

Listen to our pretty song
We are happy as the day is long
Forget the things you thought you knew
We'll make a very good girl of you
Listen to our pretty song
We are happy as the day is long
Forget the things you thought you knew
We'll make a very good girl of you

A pupil transferred here from Lavender Lake
She wrote a winning essay on self-denial
Some under-age urchins were forced to matriculate
Their records kept here undefiled

A neat retreat
Slips through their fingers
Which little girl made the plan
Surely involved were the cespers bell-ringers
Down a ladder, through the gate, then they ran

Listen to our pretty song
We are happy as the day is long
Forget the things you thought you knew
We'll make a very good girl of you

Listen to our pretty song
We are happy as the day is long
Forget the things you thought you knew
We'll make a very good girl of you

And the girls ran out of the schoolyard and up the hill behind.
"I'm scared!" said the littlest one.
"Don't worry," said the leader.
"They can catch us, or they could kill us, but they can never crush our spirit."